The New York Islanders host the Boston Bruins at Nassau Coliseum on NBC Sports Network tonight. To find out a little more about the Bruins, or perhaps just to entertain ourselves because bytes of text are really, really cheap, we swapped Q&A's with Cornelius Hardenbergh of Stanley Cup of Chowder.
Lighthouse Hockey: Jeez, did Milan Lucic break Rick Nash? Was it that simple? I'm pretty anti-headshot, and when I tracked down the video I was expecting to see something vicious, but that looked like the kind of thing that only someone like Larry Brooks goes all "Make no mistake, some people are saying, but SOME people are SAYING..." Or is Lucic really that "cleverly malicious"?
Cornelius Hardenbergh: It depends who you ask. I didn't see nothing wrong with nobody doing nothing, ya hear? Nothing! Seriously, though, I think this is like that time that T.J. Oshie clobbered Krejci and Krejci fell at a weird angle and smacked his head on the boards. Unfortunate side-effect of a just-this-side-of-the-edge hockey play, right where we like it.
Lighthouse Hockey: I know that the Bruins are kicking ass right now, but surely there is something that fans routinely take to the boards to rant about after one-goal losses and imperfect wins. What is that thing right now?
Cornelius Hardenbergh: Chris Bourque is not and will never be Ray Bourque. But we'd be happy enough if he were a serviceable third-liner, dammit! It stinks of nepotism and not-Michael-Ryder-ism. Every winger with an expiring contract is on Bruins fans' radars as we look for a replacement for Christopher The Son Of Ray.
He got replaced on the third line for a bit by Daniel "stone hands" Paille and the third line started scoring more. Ridiculous. Of course, Paille has as many goals as TyTy Seguin right now, so that's...good for one of them.
More: Check our full preview and lineup updates for tonight's Isles-Bruins tilt SCOC's preview NHL.com on why John Tavares is lovely Leave your first goal picks
Lighthouse Hockey: You guys know him better than we do, and I know he wasn't acquired to actually play, but the Isles could use some top-flight goaltending. What do you think it would take to coax Tim Thomas to report? We tried relaunching a political party for him. Nassau's taxes are high, but the Coliseum could probably double as a bomb shelter and it was built on an old military base, so ... I don't know, anything we can do?
Cornelius Hardenbergh: How's the hunting on Long Island? Oh, hm. Do people pay taxes there? Oh, hm. Is it a widely-regarded home of libertarian and Christian thought? Oh, hm.
I suppose you could try to goad him into it by saying he's not good enough anymore - he loves a challenge. The first step, though, is probably to get your team's front office to call him. They'd have to pay him though, so I'm not sure how realistic that one is.